To Cure the Hiccups
by Rizu Neko-Chan
Summary: In which Ichigo Momomiya attempts to cure her rather embarrassing case of hiccups, and receives less-than-welcome help. KxI//Oneshot.


(A.N./ A small oneshot I wrote over spring break. This idea comes from the fantastic Saba-chan (penname: Saba Butt), who so graciously handed the idea over to me. Credit the genius over to her, 'cause she's pretty awesome. This one's for you, Saba-chan!)

-=-=-=-

It all began one cloudy Sunday morning when Ichigo Momomiya was enjoying a cold orange soda on her way to work. Carrying her backpack for her clothes change and personal items, she walked casually along the streets of Tokyo. She swirled the pop around in the bottom of the can, it being almost finished. That was when she caught the time on a clock-- she was already late.

"Oh no, oh no, oh no!" she squeaked. Quickly (too quickly) she gulped down the last few swallows of her soda and shoved the can into her backpack. With that, she dashed off to the café, weaving her way in-between pedestrians.

"Sorry I'm late!" she burst out as she arrived at the back of the café. Ryou was there waiting for her. He had his ways of always being there to rub it in.

"What were you doing for ten minutes that kept you from work, Ichigo?" he demanded sternly, arms folded.

"None of you busi- hic!" Ichigo slapped a hand over her mouth. _Oh no…_ Ryou couldn't help but smirk ever-so-slightly at Ichigo's predicament.

"Table six is waiting." he remarked, striding away from her with his hands behind his head.

"But I can't -hic- wait on tables with -hic- the hiccups!"

"No more excuses," Ryou said nonchalantly, "Now get going!"

"I hate you -hic-, Shirogane!" Ichigo hissed, stomping her foot. How in the world was she supposed to make it through the work day with the _hiccups_? It was so embarrassing! Imagine what the customers would say! She moaned and pulled her headpiece into her hair with a tug and another hiccup.

Slowly, grudgingly, Ichigo walked over to table six, which was currently hosting a group of two girls and their dates.

"Have you -hic- decided on what to -hic- order yet?" she asked with a blush and a small, nervous smile. The two girls giggled and one of the boys raised and eyebrow.

"Er…sorry." Ichigo said in embarrassment.

"No, no, it's fine," one girl said, "I know the perfect cure. Just drink out of a glass of water from the other end. It totally works every time."

"The other end…?" Ichigo mused, cocking her head, "Alright…I'll -hic- try it."

After she had received the table's orders, she walked into the kitchen and took out a glass from one of the cupboards. She filled it with water and contemplated how to drink from the wrong end. Narrowing her eyes, she craned her head so that her lips were against the other end of the cup. She tipped the cup to take a drink…and spilled the water all over her face. She spit and spluttered, wiping the water off with her hands before reaching blindly around the counter to try to find the towel rack. When she finally found the towel, it was quickly pulled away from her head and replaced with the amused face of Purin.

"Whatchya doing, na no da?" she asked. Ichigo yanked the towel away from her.

"Trying to cure the -hic- hiccups."

"Oooh!" Purin exclaimed, eyes lighting up in excitement, "I know the perfect cure, na no da! You put a spoonful of sugar under your tongue and let it seep to the back of your throat, na no da! I do it all the time, na no da, but it usually only works after a ton of spoonfuls, na no da. Then I'm just too hyper to remember that I had them, na no da!"

"O-kay," Ichigo said, raising an eyebrow, "I'll try it. -hic- Thanks, Purin."

"No problem-o, na no da!" Purin beamed and exited the kitchen with a leap and a bound. Ichigo scanned the kitchen until she saw three jars sitting on the far counter. Walking over to them, she lifted each lid and looked for the sugar one. On her third try, she found it. She pulled out a spoon from the drawer below and scooped out some sugar. Putting it under her tongue, she waited. And waited. It wasn't seeping fast enough. But, boy, did it taste good.

_What if I just need more of it…? _Ichigo thought with devilish curiosity. She scooped out another spoonful from the jar and put it in her mouth.

"Ichigo…what are you doing in the sugar bowl?"

Ichigo turned, stunned, to see Minto standing behind her with her arms crossed and an amused look playing her features. Ichigo smiled sheepishly.

"Uh...er…-hic- trying to cure my hiccups -hic-." she said, gently replacing the top of the jar. Another look Ichigo couldn't quite read crossed Minto's face.

"Hiccups?" said Minto, "I know the perfect cure."

_So did two other people before you, _thought Ichigo scornfully.

"Do what I say in perfect order," Minto demanded, "First, pat your head." Ichigo began to pat her head. "Now rub your stomach." Ichigo rubbed her stomach and patted her head, which was considerably difficult for her to do. "Now hop up and down." She hopped up and down. "Now spin around in circles." She spun around in circles, desperately trying to keep her balance. "Now recite the first fifteen numbers of pi."

"I don't know the first fifteen numbers of pi!" Ichigo squeaked.

"Now stop." Ichigo gladly stopped, leaning on her knees to pant.

"Are they gone?" Minto asked. Ichigo waited. She waited a little more. Her face grew lighter and lighter until…

"Hic." She slapped a hand over her mouth and groaned through it. Minto smirked.

"Well," she said primly, "That was entertaining. Now I'm going to go enjoy my lunchtime tea. Thank you for the show." Ichigo scowled at her back.

_The nerve! _she thought, _She made me do all that stuff for nothing! I looked like such an idiot!_

Grudgingly, she reviewed table six's orders and picked up their treats for delivery. This was going to be a long day.

-=-=-=-

It was about an hour until closing time, and Ichigo _still_ hadn't gotten rid of her hiccups. She had hoped that they would go away naturally, but they didn't. On top of that, not all of the customers were particularly pleasant about them, either. Some had actually made rude comments and whispered about her behind her back. It was _miserable_, and the minutes seemed to tick by like hours on the steel, grey clock in the kitchen.

On her way back from one of the tables, Retasu tapped her on the shoulder.

"U-um, Ichigo-san?" she asked.

"-hic- Yes, Reatasu?" Ichigo replied.

"I noticed you have hiccups, and, uh, I just wanted you to know that the way I cure it usually is to…well…it's kind of embarrassing, but swallow a lot of pop, count to three, then burp, and keep burping again and again at intervals until they're gone. I promise you, it's the perfect cure. I use it all the time."

"Thanks, Retasu," Ichigo said, smiling weakly, "I'll try that -hic-."

Ichigo proceeded to the back kitchens of the café. She made sure that no one was around before she took out a two-liter jug of seltzer water from the fridge.

_Good thing we use this stuff for our fizzy drinks, _she thought as she poured herself a glass. She put the seltzer water back and picked up the glass. She took a huge swig of it and immediately felt the bubbles in her throat.

_One…two…_ she thought, holding it in. Then, she let out a huge belch that seemed to resound off the walls. However, as she soon found, she was still hiccupping.

_Well, let's try again!_ she thought with much confidence.

"_BU-U-URP!_" she belched. She waited. Then she hiccupped again. Maybe she wasn't timing it right…

With another swig and a countdown, she let another bellowing belch loose.

"_BUUUURP!_"

"Ichigo." Ichigo turned, flushed, to the direction of the voice. Zakuro was leaning against the doorway, giving Ichigo a very dry look.

"All of the customers can hear you. You've made yourself a fine audience out there. They're practically rolling out of their seats." Zakuro stated. Ichigo's face lit up red, and she slapped a hand over her mouth to muffle another burp. Zakuro eyed the seltzer water in a glass as she turned to leave.

"Shirogane sends his regards, and a message that he's docking your pay."

-=-=-=-

Finally! The day was finished! Ichigo slumped down into one of the tables of the café. It was late, and all of the customers and workers had gone home. Shirogane and Akasaka had both retreated to the basement. Ichigo felt a deep sense of loneliness and teen angst. She hiccupped in her sorrow. Just because she was trying to cure the hiccups, she had to hang back in the café and clean tables. No one understood her. She groaned and hiccupped…again.

Suddenly she felt movement behind her. She sat up abruptly from her chair and hiccupped in her surprise. Before she could turn around, she felt two cold hands clasp both sides of her face.

"Hiccups, kitten?" the voice behind her purred.

"K-kisshu!" Ichigo stammered, trying to swallow another hiccup with no success. Kisshu laughed into a hand he removed from Ichigo's face, allowing her to turn and face him.

"Get out, or I'll -hic- make you leave!" she commanded, whipping out her pendant. Kisshu was still trying to suppress his laughing.

"You know, you don't sound very threatening with those hiccups, honey." he said with another snicker.

"Don't -hic- call me that!" Ichigo said, her face tinting red, "Now get out -hic-!"

Kisshu raised an eyebrow and smirked down at Ichigo, examining her embarrassed face. Placing his hands on his hips, he said, "Ah, but I know the perfect cure for hiccups!"

"I've heard that -hic- four times today," Ichigo said, gripping her pendant tighter, "and so far, nothing's worked! -hic- I was practically humiliated the whole -hic- day trying to cure the stupid hiccups! So -hic- would you _please_ leave me alone? -hic-"

"It's very simple, though," Kisshu insisted, ignoring Ichigo's rant, "Plug your ears. It builds pressure." Ichigo narrowed her eyes and hesitantly plugged her ears.

"Keep holding them there." Kisshu commanded. He stepped closer to Ichigo, and, to her shock, locked his lips against hers in a kiss. On instinct, she tried to back away, but Kisshu only wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer. No matter how hard she struggled, she couldn't break free. In spite of this, she still kept her hands clamped over her ears.

When he finally let her go, Ichigo was struggling for air. After taking a few deep breaths, she narrowed her eyes at the smug-looking Kisshu.

"What was that for? You only did that so that you could make me kiss you, freak!"

"But it worked," Kisshu replied, smirking haughtily. Ichigo paused and waited. She waited some more. And some more. Her hiccups were gone_. _Disappeared_._ Of all of the stupid hiccup cures in the world, why did _this_ one have to work, the one she hoped so desperately _wouldn't_ work? Now she would have to admit that he was right about his cure.

"_Now_ will you go away?" Ichigo hissed through clenched teeth.

Still smirking, Kisshu replied, "Now I'll go. Thanks for the kiss, kitten." With that, he teleported away.

Ichigo narrowed her eyes.

_No more orange soda for me. Next time I get hiccups, I'll ask Mom for help instead._

-=-=-=-


End file.
